My first pregnancy was riddled with unexpected family and medical drama. It’s fair to say, the red carpet was not rolled out for me during my first pregnancy. I hope, sweet Mama, that is not the case for you. Because pregnant ladies need all of the love, pampering and understanding anyone can offer.
As I write this, you are napping, finally. It is hard to imagine the rambunctious two-year-old before me was ever a small little bread loaf of snuggles and milky drool, much less a curled up nugget listening to my heartbeat. And sometimes I long for those days. I remember being round and waddling to my car after my last doctor’s visit. The c-section was scheduled and my heart was broken.
You were my first. I didn’t know the love of a child yet, so my mind and heart were set on birth plans and procedures and not on the fact that it wouldn’t matter once they placed you in my arms.
I had planned on a “crunchy birth” with no drugs, in a birthing tub with my mother and hubby being the only ones in the room, with little medical intervention. HA HA HA! 🙂 None of that happened. NONE. But we’ll get to that.
As I waddled from my appointment, my doctor assured me that it was very unlikely that I would go into labor on my own before the c-section was scheduled (Nov. 18th). I, however, was convinced you wouldn’t wait that long. And as I got into the car, I prayed you would turn, you were breech. I did all of the exercises, all of the “tricks” and nothing. You were happy and cozy in your little cocoon, stubborn and stuck (you tried to turn, but it was too late in the game).
Your due-date crept nearer and nearer and I started to think the doctor was right, maybe I would make it. Then, early in the morning (2AM) I couldn’t sleep through the pain. I was very uncomfortable, but I thought it might be false labor considering you were a week and a day early and it was my first pregnancy. So I retrieved my labor ball, turned on really bad late night television and waited for the “false labor” to stop. After about an hour I decided to time them just for kicks and quickly realized that maybe this was the real deal.
I let your father sleep through the5.5 hours of early labor (I’m the calm one in emergency/these kinds of situations) and when he awoke groggy with crusty eyes, I calmly told him I was in labor. He responded by acting erratic and what I lovingly refer to as “skitsy”, which is typical.
We called the doctor and he moved up my c-section to 9 AM. We arrived at the hospital around 8/8:30 and were immediately rushed to prep for surgery. My labor pains had gotten increasingly uncomfortable by that point while they poked and prodded me. They confirmed you were still in your breech position and I was wheeled into the operating room. Surprisingly, I wasn’t overly emotional
which was probably from the drugs they had given me, just excited to finally meet this sweet little person.
I felt a couple of tugs, accompanied by a feeling of the doctor “pulling my rib out through my vagina” is how I put it to my husband. I waited for you to cry, but you didn’t. That was my first moment I felt like I had no control of my heart outside my body. You cried and then we cried. You were beautiful. I’ll never forget, you had the tiniest, most perfectly curled eyelashes I’ve ever seen. It was as if a fairy with the smallest curling iron in the world curled each and every lash, but I digress. The nurse helped me nurse you on the operating table and by helped, I mean she did all the work while my nipple and I laid there unable to move.
We were only in the hospital for two days because I was determined to go home. I was extremely uncomfortable and we were doing most of the work anyway. Grandpa drove the three hours to help us through the transition to parenthood. I’m not going to lie, those were hard days and if it wasn’t for my dad I think I would’ve lost my mind. I had been sliced and diced, daddy was pulling long hours at work and Gigi couldn’t be there (that’s another story). It was rough, but we had you, the greatest gift, to show for it.
My beautiful, amazing, spirited Evie. May you always know how special you are and how much your Momma loves you, in spite of the toddler years. Lawd help me.